We all know the struggle to lose weight, get fit and feel fab. It's a glorious journey when it's all going to plan and you are smashing goals, but it is a different story when you are not, or even wanting to be fit and feel fab but you are doing nothing about it, except moan maybe. We've all been there and I guess there is a book in each of us to document the emotional and physical turmoils.
What happens though, when your sister, your best friend, your cousin or your co-worker starts dropping pounds? Do you become the 'hater'? I can hear you all in my mind saying 'absolutely not Niamh, I'm so proud of her'. Really, are you really??
I warn my clients and members about those who sabotage. You know that girl in the office who brings in the treats but doesn't eat them herself. Perhaps it's your mother, forcing a slice of apple tart upon you, knowing full well you are trying to eat healthier. The sad thing is, more often than not, they are your nearest and dearest. I have had clients who's husbands begin to feel threatened when their wives begin to feel more confident and sexy. I have had women cry that their sister's or mother's are critical and non supportive. I have experienced women upset that friends are talking about them and not to them.
Have you ever felt uncomfortable when a friend turns up for a night out two stone lighter and oozing confidence? Have you ever felt uncomfortable when your colleague whips out her chicken salad as you are tucking into the canteen's chicken curry and chips? Have you ever felt uncomfortable when your sister regales you with stories of the gym and proudly presents her size 12 shopping haul because all her clothes are too big, but kindly offers you her size 14's and 16's?? I think i hear hissing:)) If you have, don't worry. It is human nature and there is a name for this feeling, it is called Cognitive Dissonance. Say what now?
An American psychologist, Leon Festinger, developed the theory of Cognitive Dissonance during the fifties. According to Britannica.com, Cognitive Dissonance is the 'unease or tension that the conflict arouses in people is relieved by one of several defensive manoeuvres: they reject, explain away, or avoid the new information; persuade themselves that no conflict really exists; reconcile the differences or resort to any other defensive means of preserving stability or order in their conceptions of the world and themselves.'
What does that actually mean? For example, your friend has lost over 2 stone. She has transformed her lifestyle. She works out, she eats clean and she is feeling amazing. You want this too. You want to feel how she is feeling but for whatever reason you have not made the same changes. When you see her, it provokes feelings of jealousy or disappointment in yourself. You of course don't 'hate' your friend but it's bringing feelings to the surface that you are not entirely comfortable with. How does this sound in conversation? Let's say, she meets you for coffee and is all excited to share with you that she has lost another seven pounds and has exceeded her initial goals. Instead of sharing in her joy, you might hear yourself say something like, 'be careful you don't lose too much weight. You're beginning to look a little gaunt in the face.' Wow, in one sentence, you have just crushed your friend's joy.
Don't be too hard on yourself if this might be you. Understanding what is going on will make you more supportive and a better friend. This is just human nature. The imbalance in your mind, caused by the conflict of knowing what you should be doing, but the process seems too hard or painful, it makes other's achievements feel uncomfortable for you. I know you don't want to upset the people you love. Acknowledge how you feel and think before you speak. They are not showing off, they are sharing their achievements with you because you are important to them. Remember, if you decide to change your lifestyle, I guarantee they will be your no.1 supporter and cheerleader.
If you have read this article and recognise someone close to you, in your life that behaves this way, I hope this gives you a little understanding as to why this might be happening. It's not about you, it's about them. Have a little compassion and realise they are working through some emotional stuff and that really, they are proud of you.
Niamh works as a personal trainer and fitness instructor and focuses on helping women bring their sexy back! If you would like more information on Niamh's services email info@fitnessatthebodyshaper.
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